WE NEED TO TALK
Officially three months into this massive life update (shameless plug to check out my previous post to see what I am talking about). The LONGEST three months I swear and it still shocks me every time. I really wanted this post to be positive and motivational and uplifting. The honest reality is that I don’t feel that way currently. To be fair, I did just press reset on my life. This ish is absolutely WILD and the worst part is that I chose it. Bare with me as I try my best to write this…
It’s HARD!
No one talks about the rollercoaster of emotions that come at you like waves. Once you think you caught your breathe and made it through the first wave, the next one is already about to break. Its being excited and scared at the same time. Sad yet happy. Optimistic and yet doubtful. In awe and yet overwhelmed.
No one prepares you so the grief and guilt for leaving your old life, friends and family behind. You can’t help but feel like you are being selfish for wanting better for yourself and the guilt of not being able to provide your family and friends with the same opportunity hearts my heart. Not to mention the isolation. I have never wanted a hug from my family so badly.
No one prepares you for the short loss of identity as you try to adapt to a new culture; a new language; new everything, whilst having every insecurity, fear, inadequacy, and personal shortcomings boil up to the surface that you no longer have the luxury to sweep aside to be dealt with later.
No one talks about the paralyzing fear and anxiety of starting over. The terrifying thought of not having a back up plan (financially). The constant checking of numbers and evaluating your budget. Dreading and preparing for the worst that might not even happen; but you can’t see that of course.
No one talks about the isolation of not having what you know around you. When something familiar comes along you grasp onto it like a lift raft.
No one talks about the difficulty of making friends and finding community. The amount of coffee dates I have requested in the last three months are more than I have in my lifetime. Plus I am an introvert and will gladly retreat to my own solace. But I can’t do that here because a) my mental health needs people around me and b) I actually need to build friendships and that support system around me again.
No one talks about the mental and physical exhaustion of being stimulated subconsciously. Your mind takes in so many fine details every second. Then add the whole other level of difficult with learning and memory (speaking of which if I haven’t gotten back to your text or said happy birthday/anniversary, this is my apology). Simple decisions and tasks become overwhelming at times.
No one talks…
But that’s my whole point. I am talking.
This entire blog was created for the purpose of talking. To be able to provide a platform where hard stuff can and should be spoken about. Let’s face it, life is tough and it is not going to be smooth sailing all the time, but we are all in that same boat trying to figure it out as we go.
As much as I am talking, I am also learning. Growing. Changing. In ways I never imagined. It just sucks going through it you know?
So, three months in and what have I learnt?
- Stay close to God.
- Find a way to get what’s going on in your head, out.
- SELF CARE! (learning a new definition of that too!).
- Ask for help (or a hug).
One Comment
Armien
I hate to say it, but unfortunately it’s not really going to get easier… I’ve been away from home for just over 18 months and I find myself missing home more and more, all the simple things we took for granted back are suddenly significant concerns. You’re on the right track though, it’s obvious that you know you need to find a support network and that’ll be the key to surviving out there.