LOST TO LOVE

A gentleman reached out to me and told me his story of finding and losing love. A story we all probably can relate to, and an ending most men (and lets not exclude women) don’t talk about but that is exactly why I wanted to write it. Mental health and suicide numbers in men are astonishing to say the least. Often times, the need to be “strong” and “be a man” (whatever that means) have silenced men and suppressed emotions never end well. I hope this message gets received with love and shared as a word of encouragement and above all… HOPE

I met the love of my life 10 years ago. She was a dream. All I ever wanted. She was something special. Naturally, I fell in-love. As the years passed, ten to be exact, and making the transition from teens to young adults I genuinely thought this was it. I found my life partner and forever friend.

Of course there will always be conflict in relationships. People are different and trying to work through differences can be difficult. A point of conflict for our relationship was our difference in faith. She being a Muslim and I a Christian. We talked about what our future would be like and how we could navigate life blending our faiths. That proved to be more difficult than we thought. Although we were still trying to figure out our future together, we were still happy. Or at least that’s what I thought. Suspicion rose when friends would tell me stories of infidelity on her part. Naturally, I defended her and trusted our love was strong enough. When I would confront her she denied any claims. RED FLAG: I didn’t want to believe the stories were true.

Part of loving someone so hard, is getting wrapped up emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually that to lose them would be to lose yourself.

Unfortunately, my dream only lasted but so long. I had to wake up and face reality. She was in-fact having an affair. Just like that my world had been scattered into pieces. She was not the love of my life. I was wrong. Fear of being alone was at the forefront of my everyday life and I was forced to go on with life despite my evident depression. I contemplated suicide everyday with thoughts of driving into oncoming traffic.

Friends and family noticed me pulling away. Although I never admitted to being suicidal, my mother just knew I was not okay. She constantly checked in and asked how I was. Naturally, I would lie and say I was okay. The blessing of my mother ended up being one of my saving graces. My mother prayed for me constantly. I questioned God for letting this happen. I saw no point in her prayers because my life as I knew it was over.

October 2021 was my crown birthday. A day I will never forget. A car accident nearly claimed my life. Although I was desperate for my life to end, that moment snapped me back into reality. Without a doubt the prayers of my mother, combined with God’s purpose, saved me. I realized that I had more to live for than to be consumed with my failed relationship.

I grew up in an old-school, coloured environment that taught me the very ideals that are crippling society today. That men need to be strong. Not acknowledge emotion and not allow themselves to cry or feel or express needs and wants. What got me through dealing with this hard time was spending time with my family and close friends. Allowing myself to laugh again and accept that life comes with hard times. My mother’s prayers and seeing God’s hand in my life restored my faith and confirmed that my life had purpose. Although I am still a work in progress, I would like to share the following pieces of advice: