REAL LIFE NIGHTMARE

June 2021. It finally happened. The moment I have been dreading since March 2020. I tested positive for Covid-19 AKA Rona. As most of you reading this may know, I am not shy about sharing my experience with anxiety and depression but this sent me to a whole new level of stress.

My younger sister is an aspiring teacher, working full time and still studying education (super proud big sister right here although I don’t tell her that). After feeling ill, she tested positive and my family panicked. My mother immediately got into protective parent mode and nursed my sister through her isolation. My poor mother had the task of being a full time care giver to her daughter and as all mothers would naturally react, she kept her panic to herself and placed all her energy into ensuring my sister fully recovered.

The whole house went into lockdown. Of course we had to, we all came into contact with her and was advised to only test three to five days later only if we were showing symptoms. Day three, I noticed a cough start to develop and had my first panic attack. My mother was experiencing heart palpitations and on day five, we both decided to get tested for peace of mind. I tested positive and my mother tested negative (thank God)

By no means do I know what the experience of being in jail is truly like but to face four walls hours at end is horrible. Not only was my body physically fighting this virus but I had to consciously fight my own thoughts. What if this kills me? Am I ready to die? Will my family be okay? Did I do all the things I wanted to? Do I have underlying medical conditions? What if the doctor didn’t pick something up? What if I have Covid Pneumonia? All these questions and more I had to fight off every second of everyday.

My parents, knowing my mental health flare ups, were concerned and tried their best to calm me down through my panic attacks. My mother even broke the isolation rule and risked her own life, just to hold me during one of my episodes. For that, I will forever be grateful. I avoided social media and the news. But of course you can’t escape receiving word that a family friend or a relative had passed with the same disease you were fighting.

Anxiety can lead to your immune system being weak and vulnerable (not a great thing when you’re in the midst of a pandemic that has no cure and you rely on your immune system to survive). After fourteen days of isolation and treatment, I was still sick. My GP had contracted Covid during my recovery so I went to another doctor for assistance and found out that I had a secondary infection. As if I could breeze through being sick the first time!!!!

On top of that, I got put on double doses of my antianxiety meds and antidepressants. Major step back on my journey to being med free. After four weeks, I finally started feeling like myself again. Thank the Lord for protecting me and my sister. So many people weren’t as fortunate.

Amidst all of it, this is what I learnt. The problem with anxiety is that your mind automatically goes to the worst case scenario. Michael Norman used the analogy of “burned toast” to illustrate how the mind works. Think of a fire alarm system installed in your house. Would you rather have a fire alarm system that has a weak reception of potential threats (your house could literally be on fire and yet it would sound the alarm)? Or have a sensitive fire alarm system that will go off with just the detection of the smoke from burned toast?

My mind makes honest mistakes in its response to what is happening to me. All it wants to do is protect me from any possible outcome. For that I am thankful. In addition, my support system, family and last but certainly not least God is what helped me through one of the more challenging times I had.

Be that support system for someone else